Law of "Attractiveness"? Rethinking Aging and Beauty - Skip to content

Law of “Attractiveness”? Rethinking Aging and Beauty


“My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.'” ~ actress Betty White, 92

Rethinking Aging and BeautyThe Law of Attraction is old news. But what about the Law of Attractiveness? Though it’s not readily talked about, it definitely exists, and it definitely affects women “of a certain age.”

For reverse mortgage professionals and the seniors they serve, what follows may be a revelation. While the information can apply to men, in our culture aging and appearance is predominantly a female issue.

Self-described “wacky wise woman” and author Ariel Spilsbury, 70, cavorted with ceremonialist Elayne Doughty, 45, in a deliciously playful webinar about redefining reality and aging through the lens of beauty.

Here are some of the powerful points and practices the duo shared to help us reimagine aging — and to own our beauty:

  • (Ariel): As you age, the energy that you are starts turning inward, so you have more energy to focus on what’s really important. You recognize life’s impermanence…so you’d better get on with it! We’re literally “reading between the lines”: wrinkles are a road map of your soul; honor them!
  • (Elayne): Becoming dependent on face creams is trying to eradicate parts of yourself; negation, not love. Practice: Elayne changed her whole ritual around how she takes care of her skin. She now creates her own skin care serum with essential oils and applies it with love and gratitude, taking time to honor herself as a beautiful woman.
  • (Ariel): What is the connection between beauty and shared power? When one feels beautiful, one is more likely to want to share power, because there is nothing to compete with. (Elayne): When you put people — or flowers — together, something magical happens: they enhance each other’s power. Allow yourself to commune (the energy of becoming one with); this nourishes you. Practice: Commune with beautiful flowers for a frequency and coherency boost. Take time each day for a “beauty bomb”.
  • (Ariel): What detracts from shared power? Comparison and competition, and seeing ourselves as “less than”: projecting disowned parts of ourselves onto others. Practice: Embrace anyone you’re in judgment or comparison with. If you can’t let them shine in their beauty and magnificence it’s because you can’t allow yourself to shine. Loving competition into dissolution has a de-wrinkling effect!
  • (Elayne): We are like Nature: Nature simply exists to be beautiful. Beauty is as diverse as everything in Nature. And while the dormant phase is not necessarily beautiful, it’s part of the process: e.g., roses before they bloom. The alchemy of bringing all stages together germinates beauty from within. Practice: Own the entire cycle of beauty. Redefine what it means to age, to be a crone, to be beautiful at any age. That’s the whole point of taking beauty back inside.
  • (Ariel): Use Light Body Magic Sizing Spray to magically “resize” yourself. Practice: Buy some Magic Sizing Spray and start loving yourself just the way and the size you are.
  • (Elayne): To transmute the “Beauty Queen”/Beauty Contest mentality, she created crowns of flowers for herself and Ariel that they placed on one another’s heads. Practice: Crown a woman you’ve had comparison issues with, as the beautiful goddess she is. Crowning another means, I let go of needing to be the best, of the whole paradigm that only one can be the winner. When we let go of this notion we transform our perception. In your mind, crown everyone you know as the beauty they are. Beauty is not fixed: it’s the aliveness, the life force, coming through us.
  • (Ariel): How do we become REAL? From The Velveteen Rabbit:

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or who have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

(Ariel): “Perhaps we are our own children, and the rabbits we love for a long, long time are ourselves. That very realness is what makes someone love you even more. Start to discern what is real, and what you have been enculturated to believe is real.”

  • (Elayne): The archetypal challenge for us all is to really look at our lives and see how we’re still trying to get the love or approval we seek. The more you let go, the more real you become.
  • (Ariel and Elayne): Practice: Break the projection of outward beauty by playing with it. Play is that place where we meet the creativity and spontaneity of the moment.

Beauty is a feeling, and what’s real is a feeling. So feel into the realness of your radiance, whether you’re wearing your role as a reverse mortgage expert or simply being the beautiful woman or man that you are. Let’s turn habits into rabbits, and exchange superficial behaviors and beliefs for real appreciation of our innate beauty!

If you try any of the Practices described here, or share them with your reverse mortgage prospects and clients, please share your experiences below for the benefit of others.


Leave a Comment


  1. Is that kind of garbage necessary?

    “What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

  2. Cynic,

    The Velveteen Rabbit has been a beloved children’s book for nearly a century, so your perspective is very much a minority view. Perhaps this article touched a nerve?

  3. Amara,

    Yes and there were some very interesting double entendres in Who Framed Roger Rabbit as well; yet they were far less crass than the quoted sentence.

    I see my fair share of repugnant and crass phrases both on the Internet and at the cashier’s stand at the store. I would prefer not having to deal with them when seeking relevant information pertaining to helping seniors understand how a HECM can help solve their current and anticipated cash flow needs.

  4. Cynic ~

    Your interpretation astonishes me, not least because I don’t indulge in the kind of writing you describe.

    The quoted passage you find so distasteful is from a children’s book, and is one toy speaking to another at the turn of the last century, when toys were not digitized. I fail to see anything remotely “crass” about it, nor do I note any double-entendre. This says more about your interpretation of the book or my post, both of which are straightforward.

    The context of the post is about love, beauty, and living as “Real” as possible. Perhaps you can buy or borrow the book and read it in its entirety. Since it has been well loved by generations of kids, parents and grandparents, and was quoted by a senior herself in this instance, I think it’s quite relevant, especially given how our society perceives aging and women (and to a lesser extent, men) once we no longer meet the culture’s definition of beauty.

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Recent Stories


Subscribe to join our World

Get the latest reverse mortgage news delivered straight to your inbox.