Who Wants a Roomie In Their 70s or 80s? You’d Be Surprised.

Some young people think older adults have it good: they’ve saved and invested their money, own a home, and can now simply retire and relax. Meanwhile, the younger set has to work, work, work. Except when they’re texting. Or watching cat videos. Or out getting a super-sized coffee drink. But we digress.

Many Millennials and Gen Zers are sincere, hard-working people just like their predecessors, look forward to getting ahead, and love elders — these folks are often their grandparents, after all. And while some seniors may own a house and be able to qualify for a HECM, others are not so fortunate. The last thing they can imagine in their golden years is to have to leave the home they love due to financial constraints. So, for some, the answer is a roommate.

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Spanning the Decades

reverse mortgage newsNot just any roommate, however: a youthful one. That’s what a nonagenarian former NYU professor did — not because she needed the money, but because her four-story brownstone is a lot of house for one person. After her grown children moved out and her husband passed away, she began taking in lodgers, to help young people get their feet under them in a notoriously expensive rental market, and also for the company and assistance.

Her current housemate, a 23-year-old artist who just graduated from NYU, lives on the top floor of the house rent-free in exchange for light housework, food shopping, and companionship, such as shared meals. It’s mutually rewarding, and helps stave off loneliness, which is epidemic among the senior population.

Making New Friends at An Older Age

Some people are more comfortable living with their own cohort group, which is why businesses such as Silvernest, an online roommate matching service for older adults, are growing along with the burgeoning elder population. The majority of Silvernest site users are seeking a housemate for financial reasons as much as companionship, but that doesn’t mean the arrangement can’t be beneficial on many levels, says Silvernest CEO Wendi Burkhardt.

While an open mind and open heart are important for home-sharing success, it’s equally crucial that seniors not be naïve about who they welcome into their home, say elder care managers. Some ways to find a suitable housemate include:

  • Word of mouth referrals from trusted friends and associates
  • Asking an eldercare professional for leads
  • Having a family member or friend vet the prospective roommate and call references
  • Doing a background check
  • Having clear expectations and a written home-sharing agreement.

Senior Cohousing Comes Into Its Own

Three decades after Danish architect Kathryn McCamant, coauthor of Cohousing: A Contemporary Approach to Housing Ourselves, helped bring the cohousing concept to America, this model has begun to take off for elders.

Cohousing refers to a planned residential community of private homes clustered around shared space. Each attached or single family home has traditional amenities, including a private kitchen. Shared spaces typically feature a common house, which may include a large kitchen and dining area, and recreational spaces. Shared outdoor space may include parking, walkways, and gardens. Neighbors also tend to share resources such as tools and lawnmowers.

While cohousing communities are typically designed for middle-income, multigenerational use, there is a growing need for senior housing for those with more limited resources, notes McCamant, who has designed and built half a dozen such communities for those 55+. Currently, there are thirteen completed senior cohousing communities nationwide, with two more under development and an additional thirteen forming.

A HECM for Purchase might enable a senior or couple to downsize from their larger family home to a cohousing community that meets many of their evolving needs, such as creating a wider network of support.

Maybe even someone who would enjoy watching a cat video now and then..

 

 

 

The Art of Positive Living

A few days after class registration opened at Yale this winter, nearly a fourth of all undergraduates were enrolled in a psychology course called “Psychology and the Good Life.” It seems happiness is more important, from youth to old age, than any other life attribute.

The young are often less happy because “in high school, they had to deprioritize their happiness to gain admission to [Yale], adopting harmful life habits that have led to the mental health crises we’re seeing” on campus, opines the Yale professor teaching the course.

Agrees one student, “A lot of us are anxious, stressed, unhappy, numb. The fact that a class like this has such large interest speaks to how tired students are of numbing their emotions — both positive and negative — so they can focus on their work, the next step, the next accomplishment.”
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The Good Life, Redux

And while our right to pursue it is written into the Declaration of Independence, happiness as a state of mind is more tricky — perhaps easier to attain once we’ve live through our “accomplishments” phase and retired, at least from the work treadmill.

Yet today’s level of global happiness is appallingly low, according to the 2017 World Happiness Report. An astonishing 87% of people are not actively engaged in their jobs, and 24% are unhappy in their career overall, a Gallup poll finds. This may be part of the reason the United Nations created the first International Day of Happiness in 2013.

The Day of Happiness always takes place on March 20th, which is also spring equinox (in the Northern Hemisphere). Is it a coincidence that the U.N. chose the day when people celebrate the return of the light, looking forward to better weather and a better mood?

Are You Positive?

Since happiness isn’t solely, or even primarily, dependent on money (especially if a senior is savvy enough to plan well, and apply for a HECM when this makes sense) — or on being released from the pressure to perform — what else affects our frame of mind, and how can we shift our perception without waiting for an annual Day of Happiness prompt?

When centenarians recount their lives, what’s compelling is the joie de vivre with which they express what they’ve learned, even through the most difficult losses. By being resilient, giving back, and “enlightening up”, they master what happens and move on.

One of my all-time favorite pieces of wisdom for being creatively positive (and positively creative) comes from 101-year-old Cliff Crozier, who bakes his own bread and cakes from scratch. He says, “I don’t have many failures. If I’m making a cake and it fails, it becomes a pudding.”

That’s a stunning example of the art of practical positivity. And it shows that happiness is not happenstance.

Bright Side Benefits

Looking on the bright side can keep us brighter longer — and healthier as well. Negativity negatively impacts our health, and can lead to heart disease, according to recent research from Stanford University on the effects of chronic complaining. It makes sense: if the heart is the seat of life and love, constantly hardening our heart through negative thinking and expression will cause hardening of the arteries.

As we’ve explored many times, there are myriad ways to reframe growing older, tackle ageism, and put a positive spin on our chronologically gifted years. The sooner we start, whether as LOs, HECM prospects, or high school students, the more time we’ll have to burnish our power of positivity skills.

One seasoned HECM originator describes how he put positivity into practice on a recent vacation: “We took a trip to Boston, hoping for good weather. Didn’t happen; lots of rain. So we just changed the plan and took subways and went to indoor sights. Also bought rain gear so we could do some of the outdoor things. Had we looked at all this negatively and groused over it, we would have had a miserable time.

“Viewing life’s circumstances in a positive light just makes for a happier way of living. Laughter and smiles are good for your health and also make you someone people like to be around. Optimism adds joy to our lives, and it goes hand in hand with less unnecessary worry and stress.”

Here’s a hilarious example, from a 91-year-old woman, of how her son “ruined her life” by teaching her a gratitude practice that helped rewire her brain from negativity to happiness...

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